I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize