During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
