I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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