I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
