I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
