Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
