hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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