i would punch a child for taco bell
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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