i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
