In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
