dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
