So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
