Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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