I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
