Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
