I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
