If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
