he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
