Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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