As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
