I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
