she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
