the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Randomize
