Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
