Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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