I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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