I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
