not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
