I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
