I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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