I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
