I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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