Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
