only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
