She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Quick, to the slutcave!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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