so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
