Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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