I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
