Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
