Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
