what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize