Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're a waste of cheezeits
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
