just come out here and I will go home with you...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
