If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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