Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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