Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
