she looked like the before picture.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
