somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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