here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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