I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
