Apparently you make a good broom.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
