my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
