How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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