so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
