No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
