She said her name was "party"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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