He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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