whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize