This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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