Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
