I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
