I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
