sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
