In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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