ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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