i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
