I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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