So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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